If You Ain't First You're Last - Classic Foam Trucker Hat Color:Navy Green brushstroke text reads "CHINATOWN"

Green brushstroke text reads "CHINATOWN" with smaller white capitals reading "SAN FRANCISCO" at the bottom

flanked by decorative white stars on both sides

Calling a martini a "little present you give to yourself" sounds like something a therapist would flag

weathered blue serif text reads "BEER GARDENS" followed by smaller red decorative text reading "AND" and matching blue distressed serif text reading "BILLIARDS

White musical notes are scattered around the sloth

If You Ain't First You're Last - Classic Foam Trucker Hat Color:Navy Green brushstroke text reads "CHINATOWN"George Washington got to be first at everything because his only competition was a bunch of guys in wigs arguing about tea. Ricky Bobby would have lapped the entire Continental Congress and still found time to thank baby Jesus. The Details: Arched distressed white text reads "IF YOU AIN'T FIRST," above a digital illustration of George Washington in a blue coat with red trim, white cravat, and white powdered wig, flanked by red, white, and blue stars.